Dear We Are Teachers,
One of my 8th grade students is intent on making every class a nightmare for me. He responds “Why?” to every single thing I say, from “Get out a sheet of paper” to “Push in your chairs.” He knows it gets under my skin and wastes class time, but it continues anyway. I’ve contacted home, and his mom said to me, “Sounds like you have a problem with my son for being curious.” I almost ripped my hair out. What do you do when a student isn’t breaking the rules but is being really freaking annoying?
—Done With the Defiance
Dear D.W.T.D.,
An 8th grader? No way. All the 8th graders I know have been compliant and delightful!
Hahahaha.
All jokes aside, I acknowledge that this can feel so defeating and frustrating. I don’t think you will like my suggestion, but hear me out: Even if this is the most annoying student in the world, you have to make this student believe that you like him.
Think about your own life for a second. Picture a boss, coach, teacher, or someone in a position of authority whom you’re confident didn’t like you. (Yuck.) Now, picture someone in a position of authority whom you know loved you, but who had to remind you of boundaries from time to time. You know you got on their nerves, but they always returned to a place of love.
Huge difference, right?
I say from experience that if you’re not careful, it’s easy to let a relationship with a tough student get to a point of mutual disdain or hostility. This happened years ago when I had a student teacher. My third period class was so challenging, and it got to the point where everyone in the room knew this was our least favorite class. So my student teacher and I conducted an experiment: Treat this class like our favorite class.
We bragged on them. We brought them candy. Instead of cracking down immediately on their antics, we gave them more wiggle room than normal and actually engaged with their jokes. In less than a week, we were stunned by the transformation. They were still our squirreliest class, but they were squirrels we loved instead of loathed.
I have no doubt that this child’s behavior is maddening. But you have to remember that you’re the adult here. You’re the one with a developed frontal cortex. You’re the one with the ability to offer a clean slate, find a private moment, and say, “Hey, I remember you saying you love The Office. Who’s your favorite character?” My guess? After a while of pretending to genuinely like this student, you won’t have to pretend anymore.
Dear We Are Teachers,
My 6th grade students’ behaviors are out of control this year. For example, I had a student tell another student he would pay someone to r*pe her if she didn’t bring him the chips she’d promised. Another student almost punched me in the face after I took a soccer ball he kept bouncing after repeated warnings. I’ve used every tool in my proverbial teacher “toolbox,” but at this point I’m exhausted and considering leaving the profession. My principal’s only solution is to give these challenging students ISS for a day or two, but when they return they’re behind and the behavior hasn’t improved. Do you have any suggestions?
—A Very Tired Teacher
Dear A.V.T.T.,
I see what you mean. On one hand, ISS is more than what I hear a lot of principals are willing to give kids who act out. But on the other hand, it’s not exactly restorative or corrective.
What I’m hearing are threats of violence and sexual violence against you and your students. (By the way, it doesn’t matter if that student was “joking” with the other student or not—intention doesn’t matter when another student has to deal with that level of emotional impact.) If I were the parent of the threatened child, I cannot tell you how fast I would file a Title 9 complaint.
I think a couple of things need to happen. The first: Talk with your principal about the need for your students to understand the specific and serious consequences for students if they threaten you or another student with physical and sexual violence. Maybe your principal wants to give this talk himself. Maybe he wants to bring in a counselor or SRO, I don’t know. But whatever the students are told, the same communication needs to go to parents as well. “If you/your child makes this choice, expect this this consequence.”
The second thing that needs to happen is better mental health resources for students at your school. I know all too well what a tall ask that is. But if you do have these resources and they’re not being utilized, they need to be. Check with a counselor or district counseling resource to see how to help your students learn better neural pathway responses than violence.
Finally, if after these measures, you still feel unsafe, I think you either switch schools or careers. No career is worth that level of exhaustion and stress.
Dear We Are Teachers,
I took a job this year in a new role my school created as a writing teacher. I teach every student in 11th and 12th grades at our school, and our time together is dedicated just to focus on writing. While I love my job, I am struggling so much with the grading! With 200 students and five writing assignments per week, I’m easily spending almost eight hours on the weekend trying to keep my head above water, and even then I rarely finish all of it. I love my job but this is too much. Help!
—Paper Princess
Dear P.P.,
Oh, I love being a fairy godmother! Are you ready for me to grant you your first wish?
You don’t have to grade every assignment!
Or perhaps you’d rather approach it this way: You don’t have to grade every part of every assignment!
Yay! Now that we have that guilt trip off your shoulders, here are some other shifts you can make in grading:
- For recurring assignments, create a feedback checklist and give each comment a corresponding number. Instead of typing or writing out lengthy comments, you can write “1” or “9” in the margins wherever you see room for improvement.
- For anything that’s not a test grade, have students go through detailed peer editing based on your rubric. This will cut down on what you have to grade and will sharpen students’ editing skills.
- Remember: Writing assignments can be short! In many circumstances, a simple paragraph can be enough to assess mastery.
Hope these help make feedback faster and easier for you while still keeping it authentic and meaningful for your students.
Do you have a burning question? Email us at [email protected].
Dear We Are Teachers,
I’m in my second year teaching high school and am on the verge of quitting. The dread I feel knowing that anytime I enter grades for an assignment, send out a newsletter, or make a new announcement on Google Classroom, I’m going to be met with at least five parent emails is debilitating. They want exceptions, explanations, additional help, and special assignments. I understand that this is part of my job, but with pushy parents on this scale, I can’t get anything done. Are there any kind of boundaries I can set, or should I just switch schools?
—Back Off