From enrollment VP to parent: three disconnects (opinion)

After more than 20 years in college enrollment, including several as a vice president, I thought helping my firstborn child choose a college would be second nature. Turns out, I was wrong.

Being on the other side as a parent revealed how complex and emotionally charged the admissions process really is. It also highlighted three major disconnects in how institutions serve families:

1. The curse of knowledge. Admissions professionals know their processes, deadlines and jargon so well that they forget how confusing the process can be for families. What’s second nature to you is a maze for us.
2. Tuition remission blind spots. A common perk of working in higher education is the opportunity to get tuition remission for yourself and your kids, creating a subtle but profound disconnect from the real financial impact other families face. While you might understand the numbers, the emotional weight of paying for college feels different on the outside.
3. Faux empathy. True empathy requires walking in a family’s shoes. When processes are clunky or communication is lacking, it’s clear some institutions don’t fully understand the challenges families face. Ask yourself, “What does it feel like to be on the other side?”

As admissions professionals, you aren’t just promoting your institution; you should be helping make this difficult decision easier for families. Addressing these disconnects can make all the difference in how parents perceive your college.

Reflecting on this process with our son gave me fresh eyes, exposing five surprising realities.

1. Impersonal communication was barely better than no communication at all. Simply having a parent communication sequence is not enough; personalization is the game changer. Colleges that took the time to address me directly, as a parent, made a tenfold impact compared to those that didn’t. Generic emails or parent newsletters don’t build trust; they merely inform. CCs are fine, but genuine “see me” communication, where the institution connected with me as a parent, made a big difference. Families want to feel like partners, not passive recipients.

Key Question: What is your communication revealing to students and families about your brand?

2. Visits were often a missed opportunity. Institutions invest significant resources to attract and host visitors on their campuses, yet many visits fall flat. When parents visit, they’re evaluating not only the campus but whether they can trust you with their most prized possessions—their children. It’s crucial to deliver a visit that has both personality and heart.

Details, such as poor communication before the visit, or a lackluster tour experience, can turn families off. One visit we took featured limited previsit communication and a two-hour tour without lunch; a hungry visitor rarely leaves with a great impression. The visit left us frustrated, and yet a stellar faculty interaction nearly saved it all. This professor asked personal questions, gave my son career insights and introduced him to students, completely transforming his perception of the college.

Key Questions: Are your visits truly differentiating your institution? Do they reflect the care you want families to feel?

3. Affordability is more stressful than you realize. Affordability looms large for families, even those who are able to pay the tuition rate. Colleges sometimes forget that building shiny new facilities or launching programs don’t necessarily equate to value for families. This repeatedly happened in my son’s search.

This is where you must understand the value equation: the perception of benefits to students divided by the cost to students (perceived and actual). If costs are high without a correspondingly strong perception of benefits, families will quickly question whether your institution is worth the price.

Key Question: How is your admissions experience affecting the perceived value of your institution?

4. Direct mail was effective but mostly underwhelming. Direct mail is expensive yet often fails to leave a lasting impression. Our mailbox received plenty of it, but only a few pieces stood out. The colleges that did it right consistently and frequently communicated a message that aligned with their distinct brand. Most of the mail we received, however, was simply glossy marketing.

One college set itself apart by sending a parent package that highlighted its educational philosophy and core values uniquely. Consistency across all communication made the institution memorable and helped establish trust. Targeted, meaningful communication can set you apart. Make sure your direct mail reflects your brand promise (assuming you have one) and speaks specifically to your target students and their families.

Key Question: Is your mail making you money or just costing you?

5. Sometimes the small stuff felt huge. As families narrow their choices, even small missteps can have a big impact. These often happen when offices other than admissions communicate with students. During one on-campus presentation, a speaker noted that expensive bikes frequently get stolen and said the weather can be a struggle for some students. In another instance, late communication about course fees (a.k.a. the Spirit Airlines of higher education) nearly derailed one of our finalist institutions. As a parent trying to calculate costs, unexpected expenses—on top of tuition—added a layer of stress that could easily have been avoided. These small moments can erode confidence, and as Vince Lombardi said, “It takes months to find a customer, seconds to lose one.”

And consider this: You can’t charge like Nordstrom and function like Ross Dress for Less. Experience matters.

Key Question: What small things, within your control, are costing you students?

How can you address these gaps and improve the admission experience for families? Here are some ways you can shift your mindset and approach these challenges with fresh eyes:

• Think, and feel, like an outsider. Empathy must be your starting point. To truly connect with families, put yourself in their shoes. It’s easy to overlook how your internal biases—the curse of knowledge—skew your perspective. As Paul MacCready famously said, “The problem is we don’t understand the problem.” The goal isn’t to solve your institution’s problems—it’s to address the students’ and families’ needs.
• Walk like an outsider. Take the student journey yourself. When was the last time your leadership team took a campus tour, signed up for an admissions event or evaluated how your direct mail looks upon arrival? Walk through each step of the admission process and map out the emotional highs and lows students and parents experience. Identify the areas where you can improve the experience.
• Partner with an outsider. You’re often too close to the problem to see it clearly. Bringing in an outsider can provide fresh insights and help you identify blind spots. Whether you connect with K-12 school counselors in your area or bring in external consultants, outside perspectives are invaluable in identifying gaps.

At the end of the day, choosing a college is a human endeavor. Families need you to help make a difficult decision easier for them. Addressing these key areas will not only build trust but also help you differentiate your institution in a crowded market. The colleges that truly understood and attended to the issues identified here were the ones that stood out when my son made his final decision.