Dear We Are Teachers,
I’ve been teaching for five years at the same large high school, and almost on a daily basis I get confused for a student. Despite the fact that I wear an I.D. on a lanyard every day, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been asked for my hall pass when I’m in the hallway, been told to leave the faculty lounge because it’s for teachers only, or had the school SRO chase me down for leaving early in my car. It was funny for the first year or so, but now it just chips away at my self-esteem. What can I do to stop being mistaken for a teenager?
—Thirty-One Going on Thirteen
Dear T.G.O.T.,
Well, bummer. I’m sorry this is happening.
To be clear, this is not your fault. I had a friend with this issue, and fellow teachers’ advice automatically jumped to “Maybe stop wearing your hair like the kids do,” or “Try dressing more professional.” I’m not going to suggest that. Plenty of teachers wear jeans and have trendy hairstyles. No one tells them to make big changes to their hair or wardrobe.
I do have one suggestion that may help: a blazer. You can throw it on when you’re in the hallway, it goes with everything, and very few high school students in the U.S. are wearing them.
Apart from that, I think your best bet is asking your principal if you can do an all-faculty email blast or take a minute of the next faculty meeting. Keep it light, but explain that getting mistaken for a student can be really jarring, especially when you get yelled at. Request that teachers take a beat before demanding to see your hall pass or accuse you of skipping. If you feel comfortable, you can even include a “High school student or Ms. Hopkins?” slide series on how to tell the difference! Humor can go a long way in connecting with your fellow faculty and staff.
Dear We Are Teachers,
I teach 4th grade and am confident a parent is doing her child’s work. Any homework or take-home projects come back completed way above the student’s ability level. I haven’t talked to the parents yet, but have set up a meeting to talk about the importance of grades being an accurate reflection of the students’ abilities. Any tips on what I should say or my approach?
—Caught You Red-Pen-Handed
Dear C.Y.R.P.H.,
Bless the parents who think we can’t tell the difference between their writing ability and their child’s.
I would actually cancel that meeting (is there any better feeling?). Here’s why.
I agree that grades should be an accurate reflection of a student’s abilities. That’s one of several reasons I didn’t send much home as a teacher (mostly just outside reading assignments). I would recommend that anything that does go home, let’s say projects, are no more than 10% of a student’s grade. Take grades on in-class work that doesn’t go home to an, um, “editor.”
Now, if after this change the parent throws a fit because they don’t get a chance to “go over” their child’s work before turning it in, that’s the time you can bring in your administrator for a tactful chat about who the work belongs to.
Dear We Are Teachers,
We recently had a “Dress Like a Teacher” day at the middle school where I teach. Not one but two of my students came to school with “enhancements” to their outfits to show my bigger body size. I pretended to be fine with it in the moment, but it definitely hurt my feelings. I’m insecure about the changes that have happened to my body over the last several years. Should I have gotten admin involved? Talked to the students myself? Emailed their parents?
—My Body, the Punchline
Dear M.B.T.P.,
Yikes. Making a mental note now to add this to our “Theme Days to Avoid” article. I hate that a school-sanctioned activity made you feel self-conscious about your body.
I could be wrong, but it doesn’t sound like these students intended to be hurtful. Maybe more of a “I don’t have a fully developed frontal cortex just yet” moment. I think pretending to embrace it—even if it stung in the moment—was the right move. You likely had students in bigger bodies watching you for your reaction. If you’d flown off the handle and chastised students for looking like you, you may have inadvertently communicated that there’s shame in being bigger.
But I also think the right move is talking to an administrator you trust to debrief your experience. Explain that while you understand this day was fun for students, it wasn’t fun for you. Hopefully, your school can find better swaps to make for spirit week next year. If they don’t, you have my permission to wake up sick that day.
Do you have a burning question? Email us at [email protected].
Dear We Are Teachers,
One of my 8th grade students is intent on making every class a nightmare for me. He responds “Why?” to every single thing I say, from “Get out a sheet of paper” to “Push in your chairs.” He knows it gets under my skin and wastes class time, but it continues anyway. I’ve contacted home, and his mom said to me, “Sounds like you have a problem with my son for being curious.” I almost ripped my hair out. What do you do when a student isn’t breaking the rules but is being really freaking annoying?
—Done with the Defiance